Lessons from Bikinis

Sharing your writing is a lot like wearing a bikini. You’re exposing parts of yourself you normally keep covered, parts you might be worried people will judge you negatively for.

Now, to fully set the stage for today’s post, I need to give you a little background about myself. Ever since I can remember, I’ve hated my body. I’ve gone through extreme diets and less extreme diets, unhealthy amounts of exercise and an eating disorder. In other words, I have a lot of baggage as pertains to my body image. I have since recovered from eating disorders and uncontrolled yo-yo dieting, but the fact remains that my body is outside the societal norm for what people consider an “appropriate” weight. By a significant amount. Dare I say it…yeah, I’ll come out and say it. I’m fat, by any measure of the word.  (And fat is just an adjective, like blonde or brunette. I don’t say it with any derogatory meaning.)

Surprisingly, though, through lots of counseling and prayer, I’ve made peace with my body.  I make sure to eat lots of vegetables and try to make sure that I get exercise. Thing is, I haven’t lost weight because of it. Now, the old me would find this terribly disappointing and would probably start engaging in dangerous, extreme behaviors. But the new me? I just accept my body as it is, and do my best to treat it well.

One of my favorite forms of exercise is swimming. And I mean, I love swimming. A half hour of any other exercise, even walking, is a huge drag for me. But put me in the pool, and I’ll stay in there until I’m wrinkly, swimming laps and having an awesome time. I love listening to my heart pound, and I feel strong and capable and graceful. Like, an hour of swimming is nothing. I love it that much.

This is where I confess that I’ve always wanted to wear a bikini. But I’ve denied myself that privilege my whole life, telling myself that I could only do it if I was a certain size, and that I would offend people with my horribly disgusting body if I did wear a bikini unless I was a size 0. Then, just recently, I came across this phenomenon called #curvesinbikinis, all about plus-sized women unapologetically wearing bikinis.

So, I bought a bikini. I’m still working up the nerve to wear it to the pool, because I’m really truly afraid of what other people will say about my body. Which is weird, because it’s exactly the same body I have when I wear a one-piece. But there’s a lot of stigma against people of larger size, so it makes me nervous. It took a lot of nerve just to buy the thing, but I did it.

Thing is, I think I could wear it in front of strangers, but the idea of people I actually know seeing me in it terrifies me.  What if they all tell me to start exercising and eat a salad (even though I do both of these things regularly), or say negative things to me?

That was when I realized that wearing a bikini is a lot like presenting your writing to the general public, then letting your friends and family see it. Writing offers a lot of insight to an author’s private thoughts, aspirations, and firmly held beliefs. It can be scary to imagine people seeing that side of you that most people would rather you keep covered up.

What if people say negative things to you about your writing? What if you get nasty reviews on WattPad or FictionPress or FanFiction.net? What if people leave you horrible statements and one-star reviews on Amazon? What if your friends and family look askance at you and ask you, “What is wrong with you?”

That’s a really scary thought, and it may make you want to hide your writing in a locked box in between the cushions of a bed in a secure facility, preferably one guarded by scary dogs, such as ill-trained Rottweilers. (Or even worse, angry Chihuahuas.)

The secret to sharing your writing with the world is the same secret to wearing a bikini. You have to be confident and brave to do it, but the most important thing is to be satisfied with it yourself. If you love and believe in your writing, it won’t matter what the haters say. If you love and accept your own body, it won’t matter what the haters say about your awesome new fatkini.

Confidence. That’s all it takes.

Does that confidence spring up overnight? No. Heck no. In fact, it might be easier to share your writing with the public than it is to work up the nerve to wear swimwear at the public small-town swimming pool.  At least with writing, you can use a pseudonym (pen name) to keep your true identity a secret. But even if you do that, be confident in your work.

If people see that you are confident, they’ll respect you because of it.

If you’re a writer terrified of sharing your work, take courage. I never thought the day would come where I would even own a bikini, let alone seriously consider wearing it.

So how do you build up confidence for sharing your writing? Work with other writers – it can even be anonymously, such as through Scribophile or similar websites. Sometimes it’s easier to interact with faceless strangers than it is with your friends or family. Once you’ve gotten comfortable with that, move on toward IRL writers’ groups. You might be surprised to find that one is in your area.

There’s no need to have your work guarded by Rottweilers or angry Chihuahuas. Don’t hide yourself from the world. 

Share any thoughts in the comments.

---

Want to be sure you don't miss any of my posts but don't feel like checking back every day? Use the form to subscribe and get updates sent straight to your inbox! You can also follow me on Twitter: @ALSVossler

What Editing Feels Like

Oy. So clearly, I haven't been very good about getting back to my posting schedule. Real life seems to keep trying to get in the way of blogging. But, today, I thought I'd share a few thoughts on editing.

Have you ever taken a drawing class? There's a recommended way to draw the picture. First, you lay in your basic lines and shapes, then start to sketch out what you want the picture to look like. Then, you go in and refine and finish your picture. The refining and finishing takes the longest, and you can spend a long time fussing with one tiny little area trying to get it look just right. If that little bit is off, it can mess up the whole drawing. 

This is very much what editing is like. Your first draft is the basic skeleton, and editing provides the finished product.Or, to pick up my theme from last week, your first draft is like learning a music piece, and editing is like going back and adding dynamics.

So, which is easier? Writing the first draft or editing?

Honestly, they are both difficult. But if you want to talk about time investment, editing takes a lot more time than writing does. Sometimes, the difference between writing and editing feels a little bit like this:

Little people are courtesy of Microsoft Office ClipArt. I did the rest.

But don't despair - editing might seem fruitless and frustrating, but what actually happens during this process is an amazing thing. You watch your skeleton turn into a fully realized living thing. You listen to the once choppy sound of your first draft turn into beautiful music. It's really incredible.

So if you're intimidated about editing, or discouraged because editing feels to you like that little cartoon, keep in mind that you're crafting something even more amazing than before.

Why Won't Anyone Read My Stuff?

Image courtesy of Sira Anamwong at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Something you may encounter a lot as a young writer is that when you try to get somebody to read what you have written, people will give you a flat out no. Even worse, they’ll say that they are going to read it, but then they don’t, or they start to read it and then never finish it.

If you’re lucky like I was, you’ll have a best friend who not only read the stuff you printed out for them, but kept your story in their desk drawer for over ten years. (Love you, S.!)

Sadly, the younger you are, the more likely it is that you’ll experience this lack of interest in your writing. Even more sadly, I actually did this to my sister multiple times when she was writing stories. “No thanks, not right now…” “Maybe when it’s finished…” “Sorry, that doesn’t sound interesting…”

In retrospect, I wish that I hadn’t brushed her off.  I wish I’d read her stories.  In the Great Computer Crash of 2000-whatever, all of those stories got lost, so now I can’t read them. I just wish I’d realized sooner that I was doing to her what others were doing to me – the things that truly hurt me. It drove me nuts that my older sister wouldn’t read my story, especially since I took the time to read her Star Trek: Voyager fan fictions.

I’m writing a novel here! An actual novel! The least people could do is read it.  Nobody takes me seriously.

But I never took my younger sister’s work seriously, even though she read my story. How’s that for hypocrisy?

So, if you’re a writer whose siblings don’t seem the tiniest bit interested in your writing, let me offer a little bit of perspective for you.

These are your siblings we’re talking about.

You know, the people who can’t stand it if you like the same music as them? Or the people who fight with you over who gets the front seat of the car, who gets to play the new computer game first, why one of you is allowed to wear makeup/use the ride-on lawn mower/watch scary movies at a younger age than another one of you is…

…and you expect these people to take an interest in your writing?

When all of you are older and moved out of the house, you’ll probably find that you have an easier time getting along. Then, you might find that they are willing to look at your writing, if you still want to share it with them. But in the meantime, as much as it sucks, remember that it’s almost a universal constant that you’ll have a hard time getting along with your siblings.  Don’t look to them for validation here.

What if your friends at school aren’t interested in reading it? That could kind of make you feel a little down – even my own friends don’t want to read my story.  However, do you and your friends have identical interests? If your story is a zombie vampire slasher and your friends prefer things like The Fault in Our Stars, they probably don’t want to read it for the same reason that they wouldn’t want to read a zombie vampire slasher novel, probably even if it was written by Nicolas Sparks.

It feels personal.  A lot of these things feel personal. But they aren’t.  It’s a question of people’s interests. As much as it sucks to realize this, it can be kind of liberating. The problem isn’t you.  It’s that you’re asking the wrong people, sort of like the Omaha Steak Company trying to market their product to vegans.

What about your parents? If you’re like I was and have a really close relationship with your parents, it can sting if they’re not interested. But…if you’re writing a romance and your dad only likes zombie vampire slashers, it’s not that he’s uninterested in your work – it’s that he’s uninterested in romance.

This leaves what’s probably the most frustrating thing – people who say they’ll read your stuff, but never do. (Or they start, but they don’t.) They keep saying that they’re too busy, but you start to get the feeling that they are just brushing you off.  It’s super easy to take this personally. This is one of those things that really hurts. It’s one thing for people to say ‘no,’ but it’s another for them to say ‘yes’ and then act like they didn’t mean it. This can feel like they lied to you.

I’m going to give you the single most difficult piece of advice ever: don’t take it personally. 

Everything about it feels personal.  But you have to understand: you only have control over yourself. You can’t make them like or read your story, but you can choose your reaction to them.  Will you feel hurt? Yeah. Angry? Yeah. You still have the choice to hold a grudge or just let it go.  Confrontation probably won’t end well, especially if it’s somebody close to you. 

So, put on your Queen Elsa dress and start singing “Let it goooo…”

Way, way easier said than done. Especially if they don’t make an Elsa dress in your size. 

If you give them enough time and space, they’ll probably finish reading it eventually. And if they never do, they never do. Let it goooo…

 

You have enough things to worry about without fixating on this. Remember that your circle of acquaintances is not representative of the world at large, so don’t worry that NO ONE will EVER like your work because nobody but you seems interested right now.  Trust me. At some point, you’ll be able to belt out, “The cold never bothered me anyway.” 

Do you feel like people around you simply don’t take interest in your work? Share your thoughts or any questions in the comments. 

---

Did you find today’s post helpful? Share it on your favorite social media network.

Rejected!

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Rejection.  It’s one of those things that sounds absolutely terrible. What sort of things do we think when we hear the word ‘rejection’?

I know that for me, my immediate association is with relationships or dating.  You know, you work up the courage to ask out that super-dreamy guy or girl and then…they reject you.  Or, maybe you have to do the rejecting when somebody you have no interest in approaches you. 

Perhaps you auditioned for a play, and you got rejected.

Or, perhaps your application for a FAFSA grant gets rejected. If you’re in college or a senior in high school, you know what a big deal this is.  Perhaps your application to a special college program is rejected. 

Maybe you applied for a job, and you didn’t ‘fit the description’ quite the way they wanted you to.

Rejection isn’t fun. It’s especially not fun when it comes to something you’ve poured a lot of hard work into.  Especially if it’s your writing that is being rejected. As writers, our work tends to be an outpouring of our souls, our passions, our fears – in many ways, it is an extension of ourselves.  To have something that intimate rejected actually seems worse than all of the examples above.

Yes.  My first rejection letter was actually harder than finding out the guy I liked had no interest in me.

Unfortunately, unless you want your writing to sit in a desk drawer forever, you have to run the risk of rejection – except it’s less of a risk and more of a statistical guarantee.  It’s not a true guarantee, since there is the occasional outlier and somebody gets lucky on their first try.  But, suffice it to say, the odds are astronomical. 

If you’re a young writer, chances are you that are not anywhere close to being ready to submit something major (though you might be submitting to school contests, or you might be the next Christopher Paolini).  But, I’m going to make an educated guess that somewhere in the back of your mind, the idea of being published someday has occurred to you. You might see advertisements for the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award and dream about that being you. You might see Paolini and dream about that being you.  You might think, sure, the odds of being immediately accepted are terrible, but maybe I will be the exception.

It’s nice to dream, isn’t it?

Do be careful, though, about letting the dreams become your expected reality.  I’m not telling you that you should be pessimistic, because as I’ve discussed before, pessimism does not help the situation.  But you need to balance a healthy optimism with the understanding that the odds do not favor you. (It’s simple statistics, no more, no less.

For example, here’s a sample of something I found in my email inbox last Wednesday:

Dear Mx. Vossler,

  Thanks so much for submitting to [us], and for your patience while we evaluated your story. Unfortunately, [your story] is not quite right for us. I wish you the best of luck placing it elsewhere.

Yeah…that right there is a genuine form-letter rejection.  I’m up to a total of three of those for my writing career now. Honestly, I wasn’t really expecting anything different, but it still hurt a little bit. Okay, I was pouty for a full half-hour.  But compared to crying for a couple of hours after my first rejection letter, I was downright cheerful. 

What made this recent rejection a little easier to swallow was understanding that a) the odds were never in my favor and b) they really meant it wasn’t right for them – sort of like oranges aren’t quite right for a store that specializes in apples. This is not to say that oranges are inherently bad, it just means that they aren’t apples.  It was still seriously disappointing – there’s no way around that.

Isaac Asimov, the author of I, Robot and the Foundation trilogy had something interesting to say about rejection letters:

Rejection slips, or form letters, however tactfully phrased, are lacerations of the soul, if not quite inventions of the devil—but there is no way around them.

If you ask me, it’s a bit overdramatic.  Okay, seriously overdramatic.  Asimov must have been reading a little too much Percy Bysshe Shelley (I had an English teacher describe Shelley as the “Emo kid of the Romantic Period) at the time. “Lacerations of the soul?” Hardly. Rejection letters are more like acne.  A very few lucky people never have pimples, but most of us do.  Some grow out of it, others still get pimples occasionally throughout adulthood.  Acne is more like one of those facts of life that sucks, but it’s anything but soul-crushing.  And just like acne isn’t a reflection on the individual who deals with it, rejection letters aren’t a reflection on the person who receives it.

A rejection letter means one of two things: your submission wasn’t quite right for the market, or your submission was not up to standards.  Neither of these things is a laceration on the soul.  If your work isn’t up to standards, then you are extremely lucky because this means you have a chance to improve it.  How embarrassing would it be to have something substandard appear in public with your name on it?

And, chances are good that the rejection letter doesn’t necessarily mean your work is substandard.  J.K. Rowling was rejected by a dozen different publishers.  Stephen King got scores of rejection letters.  But look at where they are now.

So, if you find yourself feeling dejected about your writing because you keep thinking, “What if I submit this and it gets rejected,” cut that crap out.  A rejection letter is a victory – it proves that you have taken a step that many people are too afraid to take.  Don’t let fear of the future keep you from writing in the now – pour yourself into your writing and let the future worry about itself.

(Also, don’t buy into that “lacerations of the soul” nonsense.  I love Asimov and respect him highly as a writer, but…seriously?)

Do fears of rejection trouble you while you write, even if you aren’t planning on submitting something anytime soon? Do you actually agree that rejection letters might be like "lacerations on the soul"? I'm curious to hear other perspectives. Share any thoughts in the comments.

---

Like today's post? Take a moment to share it on your favorite social network!

What's the Point if I Never Get Published?

Image courtesy of holohololand at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

As evidenced by my continuous collection of bumps and bruises, I am not a graceful person.  I managed to sprain the same ankle four times in one week.  I have pretty terrible hand-eye coordination.   If my life depended on my ability to play sports, I would die.  All sports except one, that is.
I love to swim.

In water, I feel a sense of grace and capability that I don’t feel anywhere else.  I love the feeling of the water rushing over me, the sensation of lightness—when I am in the water, I feel as though I have always belonged there.  I feel strong and powerful as my muscles propel me; I feel exhilarated when I flip from the backstroke to the front stroke.  My heart pounds from the effort and my lungs work in perfect sync with the rhythm of my motions.

I have always loved the water.  One of my favorite fantasy creatures is the mermaid, and when I swim, I feel like I am connecting with the deepest sense of childlike wonder that fantasy evokes.

If you haven’t gotten the idea, I love swimming.  It’s my favorite form of exercise, and I’m pretty competent.  But I am no Michael Phelps.  Heck, I can’t even keep up with half the people who swim at the Y that I go to.  My skills are limited, at best.  Sometimes, I’m a little self-conscious when a person in the lap lane next to me puts in three laps to my one.  My love for swimming itself is what keeps me from getting discouraged.  I always strive to improve my lap time.  I always strive to practice better form. 

So, answer me this:  What’s the point of all that swimming if I never make it to the Olympics?  What’s the point of the practice?  What’s the point in trying?

The answer is obvious.  The whole point of it is the fact that I absolutely love to swim.  I actually feel depressed when I have to go long periods without swimming.  I want to get better at swimming because it is a gift to myself.  The physical exercise makes me strong and healthy.

Swimming is the point.

So, what’s the point of writing if I never get published?

Writing is the point.

I write because I love to write.  That’s the point of it.  I feel depressed when I don’t get any writing done.  I want to get better at writing because it is a gift to myself.  The mental exercise keeps my mind sharp and healthy.

I have always loved writing and storytelling.  If you love to write, chances are that you’ve always loved it too.  That’s the point.  You do it because you love it.  If you’re not writing because you’re worried that you won’t get published, then you are doing two things:

1. You guarantee that you won’t be published.  If you’re not writing, how are supposed to be published?

2. You overlook the only thing that matters about writing.

It’s good to hope that you might be published someday.  It’s good to have a goal.  You work hard at your writing, and you’d like to get paid for it at some point in the future.  But really, being published is the cherry on top.

Because the whole point of writing is writing.

Do you find yourself discouraged because you’re worried that you might never be published?  What ways can you overcome that discouragement?  Share any thoughts or questions in the comments. 

---

Like my blog? Use the form in the sidebar to subscribe. 

The Lonely Older Writer

Photo courtesy of graur razva ionut on FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I know that my blog is called “The Lonely Young Writer,” but I think it’s important to note that young writers are not the only ones who can feel isolated and misunderstood.  The truth of the matter is that those feelings of isolation sometimes come with the territory of being a writer, simply because writing is not really a social activity.

There are, of course, exceptions: writing seminars, collaborations, classes, and the like, but for the most part, writing consists of you and your writing implements.

Now, combine that sense of isolation with the fact that most adult writers need to write around their full time jobs.  I can tell you that writing is difficult during school and college—but try it when you work overtime at a physically exhausting job.  I speak from experience on this, but it’s nothing compared to what some other people deal with.  I have a friend who works somewhere around nine to ten hours a day, with a one hour minimum commute.  She writes in the evening and on weekends, assuming she has the energy.

To top it all off, older writers still get to deal with the fact that people tend to be very dismissive of your writing until you actually have something published.  So, if you’re a young writer, you need to brace yourself.  Things do change, and they do get better, but it’s not like it’s a night and day distinction.

What really makes the biggest difference is that as you grow older, you tend to learn to be less self-conscious.  At some point, you learn that you don’t really give a rat’s behind as to whether people think you are weird for being a writer.  You sort of learn to embrace your own oddities.

As you get older, you gain independence.  You are able to go out and find writing friends in ways you weren’t able to as a dependant in your parent’s house.  You control your own money, so you can go to writing conferences. It makes finding those connections a lot easier.  Internet groups are great, but there’s still something to be said for being in a huge room full of writers.

There are still struggles with friends and family who don’t “get it.” But a lot of how you cope with this as an older writer depends on how you cope with it as a young writer.

When I say “young writer,” I generally mean adolescents.  Somewhere between 7^th and 12^th grade, possibly a little up into college.  By “older writer,” I mean college graduates and people who are entering the workforce, really moving out on their own into the world.

Young writers, you are going through one of the most tumultuous times in your life.  Your body is changing, and to top it off, you’re entering an entirely new social tier altogether.  You are being hurtled toward this scary thing called “real life” at a hundred miles per hour.  So believe me when I tell you that the coping skills you develop now will be with you for the rest of your life, for good or for bad.

I had terrible coping skills as a teen.  I put myself down.  It really set me on an emotionally unhealthy path.  By the time I’d entered college, I was dealing with bulimia and self-injuring. (Self-injuring is the same idea as cutting, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be cutting.) The problems dogged me into adulthood. Fortunately, I got help and support from my family and friends.  I got counseling and all of that good stuff.  But it’s taken me seven years to get to where I am now.

You might imagine that none of that was especially good for my writing.  I loved writing, but it was perpetually blocked from me.  But once I’d dealt with all the crap, my writing abilities soared. 

I still tend to lapse back into those self-derogatory coping skills when I struggle with writing.  That, more than anything, is what affects me as a writer.  I don’t worry much what other people think of me when it comes to my writing—even adults grow and mature every day.

Young writers, start thinking now about how you are going to cope with the stresses in your life. If you feel like you aren’t dealing with your stress well, then you need to get help now.  Your mental state is at its most pliable right now.  Now is the time to learn the skills.  There are a lot of resources out there—I really like just about anything by David M. Burns.  Talk to your highschool counselor, or if you’re at college, they usually have counselors on staff.

If learn these skills now, your writing will flourish.  But it’s not really the writing that matters.  Your writing flourishes when you flourish.  The health of your coping abilities is important for so many other things.  Work on your coping and time management skills while you’re still changing, and they will really stick with you once you’ve left this really awful period of transition from kid to adult.

Your writing life will get better as you get older if you put in the energy to improve it now.  Young or old, there will always be sense of loneliness in our writing lives—but if we learn to connect with ourselves in a healthy manner, and connect with others in a healthy manner.

Of course, it’s never too late.  Older writers who struggle can also work on their coping skills and time management skills.  It’s what I’ve had to do.  But if I could go back to highschool freshman me, I would tell her what I’ve just told you.  There is no shame in getting counseling or life coaching—in fact, it can change your life for the better.

What affects you for the better, obviously affects your writing for the better.

How does stress affect your writing? Do you feel like you have positive coping skills? What kinds of steps do you think you can take to improve them? Share any thoughts or questions you might have in the comments.

---

Like my blog? Use the form in the sidebar to subscribe.

"That Doesn't Count."

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

If you're anything like me, you tend to dismiss your accomplishments as something insignificant.  You might have an inner dialogue that sounds something like this:

"Wow.  I got absolutely no writing done today."

"What are you talking about?  You re-read a section and made a few editorial changes."

"Yeah, but that doesn't count." 

It's an unfortunate habit of mine to engage in all-or-nothing thinking.  If I don't reach whatever goal I have set for myself, I feel as though I have done nothing.  So, if I write 100 words on a day I planned to write 500, I feel like a failure.

Recently I was talking with a friend, grousing about how I felt like a failure because I hadn't completed my novel.  She told me about all of the other things I've written, and that I should be proud of them.

Guess what the first thing out of my mouth was? It doesn't count.

The thing is, every time you write, even if it's something small, you are strengthening those writing muscles.  It counts.

Do some editing and only change a few words? It counts.

Work on a fan fiction piece instead of your original piece? It counts.

Write one sentence? It counts.

If you refuse to let the little things count for something, how can you ever be proud of the big things?  The big things are just made up of lots of little things.  If you get in the habit of dismissing your small accomplishments, you'll start dismissing the big ones, too. I speak from experience on this.

So, celebrate all of your accomplishments, even the little ones.  Even if you've written something that will never be usable, you've had fun and practiced your writing.  Be proud of that.

Don't sell yourself short. Everything you do counts.  Because one day, all of those little things will add up into one big thing.

That definitely counts for something.

Do you tend to dismiss the positive, or are you good at being proud of your accomplishments? Share your thoughts in the comments.

When It Doesn't Come Easily

Image courtesy of Graur Codrin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Sometimes, writing doesn't come easily.

We have a lot of names for this—writer's block, the doldrums, feeling uninspired, and so on. In the end, it all boils down to one thing: you, staring at the blinking type cursor on the screen, willing it to type the words for you.  You, staring at the tip of your pen, wishing the ink would simply write words on its own.

Sometimes, you feel completely void of ideas.  Other times, you are brimming with ideas, but the words simply won't come. 

Honestly, I'm not sure which is more frustrating.

When the words don't come, it's easy to throw up your hands in despair and walk away. If you're like me, you are assaulted by a steady stream of self-doubt: I should have known I couldn't do this, there's no point to this, I'll never finish anyway, even if I do finish this, who's going to care, why do I even bother at all? Even if you're not like me, difficulty writing can be highly discouraging.  

So what do you do when the words evade you, leaving you feeling cheated and lost?

Well, there's always the option to sit around, despondent and inconsolable. Having done that, I can't say I recommend it.  If anything, it makes it even harder to start writing again.

Another option is to focus your energy elsewhere; you can exercise, work hard at school, clean house, or if you have a job, pour your energy into that.  I have found that this is most effective.  You might feel like you're abandoning your writing, but what you're really doing is proving to yourself that you can achieve what you set your mind to. You can immediately see the measurable results from these things. If you exercise, you can feel your body becoming stronger; if you work hard at school, you can see your grades improve; if you clean the house, you can see what color your carpet is actually supposed to be (or just plain see your carpet); if you pour energy into your job, you see your employer and co-workers show more and more respect for you.

Even if you're not writing for weeks at a time, every time you accomplish something, you are proving to yourself that you are capable of doing the things you want to do.  That knowledge goes a long way in reassuring yourself when your writing doesn't come easily.

Every discipline has its rough streaks; an injury while exercising can set you back, making it difficult to keep up the same intensity of workouts.  You might become burned out at school or work, making it difficult to perform well. I'm guessing that, while these things are frustrating, you accept them as a normal part of life.  You can see how this is just temporary, and you know you'll get your mojo back eventually. Why should trouble writing be any different?

You can always try to push through, however, just as you can exercise through an injury (ouch). But focus your writing energy on something low-stress, something that doesn't carry high emotional stakes for you.  For example, finishing and editing my novel has high emotional stakes for me, but writing a poem or doing a ten-minute writing challenge doesn't.  For the writer, short writing exercises can be like physical therapy for an injured athlete.

Every time you accomplish one small writing victory, you prove to yourself that you are a capable writer—even when it doesn't come easily.  One small victory at a time, it becomes easier.  There's the old cheesy saying that you eat an elephant one bite at a time.  For writers, that's one sentence at a time.  Heck, it's one word at a time.

Maybe it will never feel easy, but difficult does not equal impossible.  If nothing else, remember the moral of The Tortoise and the Hare?

Slow and steady wins the race.

This is true even—especially—when it doesn't come easily.

How do you react when writing doesn't come easily?  What steps can you take to overcome the challenges? Share your thoughts in the comments. 

---

Like my blog?  Use the form in the sidebar to subscribe.

"You Know Almost No One Gets Published, Right?"

Image courtesy of Sira Anamwong at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve had someone say this to me.   It’s always said with good intentions, I’m sure.  I always imagine that the thought process behind it goes something like this: 

Oh, that poor young lady wants to write a book.  Thousands of people try and never finish.  Thousands who do finish get rejected by publishers.  She’s so optimistic and enthusiastic—oh, I don’t want her to get her hopes up, only to be disappointed.  Well, here goes: “You know almost no one gets published, right?”

Somehow, people think that they are being nice or gracious by saying this to young, ambitious writers.  They don’t want you to be disillusioned when you find out that being published is difficult—so they tell you that it’s nearly impossible.  They probably figure if you give up your writing dreams now, then you won’t have to be disappointed later.  Or, maybe they don’t want you to give up writing, but they want to make sure that you do so with a healthy sense of despair.

Perhaps people don’t mean to discourage young writers when they say this.  Perhaps they don’t realize the effect it has.  It’s probably because they’ve never had the experience of having someone say that to them. 

It’s quite the experience, to tell someone about your life’s dreams, and then to have them say, “You know almost no one gets published, right?”  It’s not just emotional.  It’s physical.  Blood rises to your face as your cheeks and ears get hot—your stomach flops and goes cold.  A sense of embarrassment floods you.  You feel foolish for having such a stupid dream—a dream so stupid that people feel the need to remind you just how stupid it is. 

However, it’s not a stupid dream.  Besides, the statement that “almost no one gets published” is patently false. A lot of people get published.  Millions, in fact.  Amazon has over a million English language titles.  That’s just English.  The world is a pretty huge place and there are writers—published writers—all over it.  Today’s technology makes self-publishing surprisingly easy.  Traditional publishers still publish lots of book by many different authors.  

So yeah, I guess millions is “almost no one” compared to the seven billion or so people on the planet, but it’s certainly not as hopeless as a lot of people make it sound.  

A more accurate statement would be, “Few people make a living as authors.”  This is a factual statement.  Very few people do make enough money from writing books to live on.   But this shouldn’t stop you.  Yes, you’d like to get paid for your writing, and if you persevere, you probably will at some point.  Will it be enough to pay your bills?  Most likely not, but if you’re writing a book, you’re probably not doing it just to pay the bills. 

No. If you’re writing, you’re writing because you love it. 

Is it difficult to get published? Yes.  But so is getting a college degree, and nobody discourages you from going to college.  It’s difficult have a job, but no one discourages you from working.  Good things are always difficult to obtain, but we shouldn’t instill in ourselves a sense of despair, confusing the word difficult with the word impossible. 

There is no such thing as a healthy sense of despair.  If you believe that getting published is next to impossible, then it will be.  You’ll be so trapped in the sense of pointlessness that your writing will suffer and you may never actually finish.  I’m not making this up, either.  Psychologists describe this type of thinking as a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Besides, I’ve lived in that belief that almost no one gets published, and I promise you that it didn’t help my writing.  

If you really, truly believe that it is possible to be published, you’ll work your butt off to make it happen.   All published authors have something in common.  They worked hard to become published—and to do that, they had to believe that what they were doing was worthwhile. 

That’s why I’m ditching the despair.  I am done with believing that publishing is some foolish, stupid dream too impossible to attain.  It took me until age 27 to realize this—if I’d learned it when I was younger, who knows what I could have accomplished by now?  

No matter what your age, if you learn this important lesson now, who knows what you could achieve?  

So the next time someone tells you, “You know almost no one gets published, right?” 

You should reply, “I know.  But the people who are published had to work hard, believe in themselves, and have hope in order to reach that goal…  

“…and that’s why I know that someday, I’ll be one of them.” 

Share any thoughts you might have in the comments.

---

Like my blog? Use the form in the sidebar to subscribe.